Things No One Tells You - Pt II

So in having quite a few convos with my "child ready" friends, I'd like to offer you the things no one tells you  after pregnancy.

1. During pregnancy your hair gets THICK and luscious, 3 - 7 months after birth it all falls out, in clumps, all the time!
2. A Milk Fever - when your milk comes in you get severe chills and your breathe is like ice, don't panic if you don't have a "real fever", its called a milk fever - thanks for the heads up people
3. Acne - thought your teen years were bad, they have nothing on the pregnancy/post pregnancy time. Good news is you can play connect the dot on your face :)
4. Baby weight doesn't miraculously disappear - don't be ashamed if you can't wear you own jeans home, hell 4 months later I still eye up those maternity pants
5. Swelling - 2-7 days after birth you look like you have elephantitis of the legs/feet. All that fluid has no where to go but pool in your lower extremeties. Drink lots of water, you lose the fluid in your pee
6. Post Baby Bladder - welcome to the world of incontinence, where if you sneeze or laugh you pee (and yes you will still pee more often than before baby, that bladder don't shrink either)
7. People will ask if you if you are pregnant post baby because you do look like it for a while. Resist the urge to club them over the head with a baseball bat. Those dumb morons are always men and they don't know any better!
8. Scary belly button - it will never look the same again. Sorry, but it won't
9. Stretch marks - you are better off to be a little squishy before giving birth otherwise stretch marks find their way right at the end of your pregnancy and never leave. those unwelcomed inhabitors of your body will remind you of their presence every time you look in the mirror. Mederma just fades them...sorry about your luck
10. Hormones - tell your husband/boyfriend/significant other to mind their Ps and Qs because your raging hormones do not "automatically regulate" themselves post birth. In fact, they get WORSE...better off they stay out of your way and only speak to say, "Honey, do you need anything?", "What can I do for you?", "Don't worry I'll get up with the baby this time."